Writing Vivid Dialogue Read online

  WRITING VIVID DIALOGUE

  Copyright Rayne Hall © 2015

  (December 2015 Edition)

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover art and design by Erica Syverson

  Interior illustrations by Hanna-Riikka

  WRITING VIVID DIALOGUE

  Rayne Hall

  Table of contents

  INTRODUCTION

  1 A QUICK FIX TO ADD INSTANT INTEREST: ASK QUESTIONS

  2 BUILD TENSION BY WITHHOLDING ANSWERS

  3 GIVE EACH CHARACTER AN AGENDA TO MAKE THE DIALOGUE VIBRANT

  4 SHORT SENTENCES FOR NATURAL-SOUNDING DIALOGUE

  5 HOW TO MAKE DIALOGUE PITHY, SIZZLING AND TIGHT

  6 HOW TO GIVE EACH CHARACTER A UNIQUE VOICE

  7 DIALOGUE TAGS—WHEN, WHERE, HOW AND HOW OFTEN TO USE THEM

  8 HOW TO AVOID NEEDLESS TAGS: WHAT DOES THE SPEAKER DO?

  9 HOW TO FORMAT DIALOGUE

  10 A CURE FOR 'TALKING HEADS IN WHITE SPACE'

  11 HOW DO MEN AND WOMEN TALK DIFFERENTLY?

  12 HOW TO MAKE CHARACTERS APPEAR INTELLIGENT

  13 DIALOGUE FOR MULTIPLE CHARACTERS

  14 WHEN AND HOW TO USE BODY LANGUAGE

  15 TELLING LIES

  16 STARTING A STORY WITH DIALOGUE

  17 INFORMING WITHOUT INFO-DUMPING

  18 INTERNAL DIALOGUE: THINKING, NOT TALKING

  19 INSULTS AND PROFANITY

  20 FOREIGN LANGUAGES, ACCENTS AND JARGON

  21 PARANORMAL AND TELEPATHIC COMMUNICATIONS

  22 HOW CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS TALK

  23 HOW PEOPLE TALK IN HISTORICAL FICTION

  24 LEADERS AND FOLLOWERS, BOSSES AND MINIONS, RIVAL ALPHAS

  25 ARGUMENTS

  26 FLIRTATIOUS BANTER

  27 CREATE DRAMATIC IMPACT WITH THREESOMES AND BACK-LOADING

  DEAR READER,

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  EXCERPT: WRITING FIGHT SCENES

  INTRODUCTION

  Do you want to write fast-paced, exciting, sizzling dialogue?

  This book reveals professional dialogue technique to characterise the speaker, carry the plot forward and entertain your readers.

  This is not a beginner's guide. I assume that you have mastered the basics of fiction writing, and don't need an explanation of what dialogue is and why it matters for your story. But your dialogue isn't yet as strong as your story deserves. Perhaps it drags, perhaps the characters all sound the same, and perhaps it lacks tension, wit or sparkle.

  I'll offer you a toolbox filled with techniques. These are not 'rules' every writer must follow, but tricks you can try. Pick, mix and match them to suit your characters and your story.

  Some of these tools work for all kinds of dialogue, others solve specific problems—how to create male and female voices, how to present foreign languages and accents, how to present historical dialogue and flirtatious banter, how to write dialogue for alpha characters, for children and for liars.

  I suggest you read once through the whole book to discover the tools in this kit, then return to the specific chapters which address the challenges of your current project.

  You can apply the techniques to write new dialogue scenes, or to revise sections you've already written. When revising, you may want to compare the 'before' and 'after' versions. You'll be amazed how your dialogue scenes come to life.

  I won't weigh this book down with literary theory. Sometimes I'll use examples—mostly from my own books, for copyright reasons—but in essence, this is about your writing, your stories, your dialogue.

  If you like you can use this book as an advanced dialogue writing course, working your way through each chapter, doing the exercises in the chapter and the assignments at the end of each chapter. Or you can simply read the whole book to get a feel for what's in it, then choose the techniques you want to study and apply for the chapter you want to write or revise.

  When referring to readers and characters, I'll sometimes use 'she' and sometimes 'he', simply to avoid the clunky 'he or she' constructions. The only time when gender matters in this book is when I compare female and male speech patterns, for example in Chapter 11. I'm using British English. If you're used to American, some of my word choices may look unfamiliar, and the syntax, grammar, punctuation and spelling varies as well, but the principles are the same.

  Now open your manuscript. Let's improve your dialogue.

  Rayne

  1 A QUICK FIX TO ADD INSTANT INTEREST: ASK QUESTIONS

  Have you written a dialogue scene that's basically okay, but needs to be more interesting?

  I have a quick technique to enhance it without major changes. Questions rouse the reader's interest, so simply turn some statements into questions.

  Here are some statements, and how you might phrase them as questions instead. You can see how much more intriguing the questions are.

  “I want Santa to bring me a doll.”

  “Will Santa bring me a doll?”

  “I'm looking for my wallet.”

  “Have you seen my wallet?”

  “You haven't gone to church for a long time.”

  “When was the last time you went to church?”

  “The dam may not hold much longer.”

  “How much longer will the dam hold?”

  “You never seem to listen to what I say.”

  “Do you ever listen to what I say?”

  “Maybe there really is a monster in the lake.”

  “What if there really is a monster in the lake?”

  Suddenly, the speaker's words have undercurrents which add depth and engage the reader. If you like, you can apply this technique liberally, and pepper your dialogue scene with questions. Keep only a few statements so the rhythm doesn't get monotonous.

  In the next chapter, I'll show you how to escalate this method to create tension.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Take a dialogue scene you've drafted and are not entirely happy with. Change several statements to questions. Enjoy the 'before-and-after' transformation.

  2 BUILD TENSION BY WITHHOLDING ANSWERS

  In this chapter, I'll show you an effective technique for making your dialogue simmer with tension.

  One character (let's call her Mary) asks a question, and the other (John) doesn't answer. Now the reader definitely wants to know the answer, and also why John withholds it.

  Perhaps Mary repeats the question. Does John answer now, or use a different avoidance tactic? With each unanswered question, the tension mounts. Why does John not reply? What does he have to hide? Why does Mary insist on drawing the information out of him? What does she suspect? Why does he resist? Which of the two will prevail?

  Here are several ways you can handle this:

  * Mary asks a question. John busies himself with some activity before replying. The reader senses that John needs time to compose his answer. Does he have to sort out his thoughts first, or perhaps he needs to compose himself and gather his courage, or maybe he is inventing a lie?

  * Mary asks a question. John replies, but he doesn't answer the actual question. The reader senses that John has an unpalatable truth to hide but doesn't want to tell a lie. What John says may or may not hold a hint of what the problem is. Perhaps he's preparing the ground for a painful truth to be revealed later.

  Here's an example, provided by author Alice Gaines:

  “Daddy, will Santa bring me a bicycle this year?"

  “You know, honey, Santa can’t always bring you exactly what you want. He has a lot of children to take care of, and sometimes he gets the orders mixed up.”

  * Mary asks a question. John gives a perfunctory reply or no reply at all, and changes the subject. The reader knows that Mary has touched a sore spot and that John has a reason not
to tell the truth.

  * Mary asks a question. Instead of answering, John asks a question. This is my favourite technique because it hints at defensiveness and secrets. If you like, you can have the characters ping-pong questions at each other, escalating the tension with each exchange.

  Here are two examples:

  Example 1: Wife and Husband

  W: “Do you still love me?”

  H: “Why are you asking?”

  W: “Do you still truly love me?”

  H: “Are you suddenly doubting my love?”

  W: “Why won’t you tell me that you still love me?”

  H: “Do we have to talk about this now?”

  W: “Why aren’t you answering my question?”

  H: “What do you want me to say?”

  Example 2: Police Officer and Suspect

  P: “Where were you between ten and eleven last night?”

  S: “Why do you want to know?”

  P: “Where were you between ten and eleven last night?”

  S: “Where should I have been?”

  P: “Why don’t you tell me where you were?”

  S: “Are you accusing me of something?”

  P: “Do you have something to hide?”

  S: “What makes you think I have something to hide?”

  * Mary asks a question. John answers it eventually, but several chapters later. By now the reader senses a big secret, especially if Mary keeps probing and gets nowhere. When the answer finally comes, the truth may be as shocking for the reader as it is for Mary.

  SAMPLE DIALOGUE SCENE FROM STORM DANCER

  This scene shows how I used answer avoidance (with many questions answered with questions) in one of my novels, Storm Dancer.

  Background: Dahoud is a former siege commander who once ordered and committed atrocities. Leaving his dark past behind, he has assumed a new identity as a peace-loving, benevolent ruler. Nobody knows that he is the monster who ravaged the land. If his secret is found out, Dahoud's life will be forfeit and the country will erupt in war.

  In this context, the reader already knows Dahoud's dark past. The tension arises from wondering what Sirria knows, and how Dahoud can protect his secret. Don't worry if you don't understand all that's going on – its in the middle of a novel after all. Simply watch how Sirria keeps asking, and how Dahoud tries different methods of evasion.

  Sirria hooked her arm around his. “Now, Dahoud, do you need a little pre-wedding chat with a crone?”

  “Do you mean to tell me about the stallion and the mare? Not necessary.” He freed himself from her grasp and strode faster.

  “Where are your manners?” she called. “When a crone speaks, you stay and listen.”

  He turned and bowed.

  “And you answer her questions.” Sirria stabbed a henna-stained finger at him. “Does your bride know what kind of man she's about to wed? Does she know you were in the legions?”

  He looked down the road, at the wooden balconies, at the honeysuckle smothering the mudbrick walls. “What makes you think I was in the legions?”

  “What makes you think I was always a nomad?” Sirria leant against the wall. “Imagine me eight years younger, in the gown of a Zigazian matron, instead of this.” She pulled at the side of her tunic. “Eight years ago, Dahoud. Eight years. Do you remember Ain Ziggur?”

  Ain Ziggur. A city he had besieged under Paniour's command, before he had become a general, before he had campaigned in Koskara, before he had started wearing the intimidating mask. He had not expected anyone from those days to cross his path here.

  At Ain Ziggur, the djinn had been in charge. Recall squeezed a fist around his throat. The siege. The women. His orders.

  While the conquerors beheaded the surviving men, women barricaded themselves into the main temple and refused to come out. Centurion Dahoud had broken the door, and the women's resistance. He had ordered every woman raped.

  He would have eaten the dust at Sirria's bare feet if he could undo the past. Nobody must know what kind of man he had been.

  The rising sun glared on the town. Already, the air started to cook. The dry air burnt the back of Dahoud's throat.

  “Because I remember, Dahoud.” Sirria's voice was as sharp and unforgiving as an executioner's sword. “I remember every day the Quislaki legion besieged us, starved us, abused us. I remember our chief tormentor standing in the charred ruins of my home, with the bodies of my husband and my son at his feet. A man named Dahoud.”

  “Dahoud is a common name. Why do you think there's a connection?”

  “Do you think the women of Zigazia would forget that name? Do you think we would forget what you ordered, and what you did? Do you think we would forget your face? You did not wear your famous mask then.”

  “I'm sorry, Sirria. More sorry than I can say.” The words sounded inadequate even to his own ears. “I've changed. I'm not the man I was eight years ago. Can you believe me?”

  A string of camels padded softly through the lane, laden with bales.

  Sirria waited until they had passed. “I survived, fled to Koskara, became a herder. Then war came to Koskara, too, and with it came evil in the shape of a Quislaki commander, a man without scruples or conscience. A man so ruthless that some said he was possessed by a djinn. A man whose whispered name was enough to make women cower in fear. The Black Besieger.” Her eyes pierced him like dagger points. “Did you know that when the Black Besieger died, the women in Koskara lit lamps of joy at every altar?”

  It was bad enough if the Koskarans found out about his legion past. If anyone connected him with the Black Besieger, he would have no chance. Far from accepting his rule, they would roast him alive, and if he died, there would be more slaughter in Koskara, more war, more suffering.

  He tried a different evasion. “You're happy now as a nomad, aren't you, Sirria?”

  Her eyes darkened like thunderclouds. “Does the Black Besieger live? Was his funeral pyre faked?”

  Below the tribal tattoo, her left cheek was mutilated, as if someone had slashed it with an angry knife.

  “How did you come to Koskara, Sirria?” His palms sweated.

  She adjusted her crimson shawl, covering the scar, without taking her eyes off him. “How did you come to Koskara again, Dahoud? How did you dare to?”

  Dahoud's stomach knotted so tightly he could feel the pain. He dropped the useless shield of denial and faced his attacker. “I'm sorry for Ain Ziggur, and I'm sorry for every other citadel. I'm sorry for every death and every suffering, but it was in the past, Sirria. I've changed as much as you.”

  “Doesn't your bride have the right to know she's wedding a beast? Doesn't every woman in Koskara need to know that a monster rules the land?” She stepped so close to him that he could feel her searing breath on his throat. “Why shouldn't I scream the truth from the roof? Why shouldn't I tell Mansour? Why shouldn't I expose you as the impostor you are?”

  Dahoud's mouth was drier than desert sand. “What's the price for your silence?”

  “When the time comes, I'll let you know.” She laughed softly and pointed at a curtain of clay-bead strings. “Here's the bathhouse. Enjoy the experience. Have a water-filled day, my Lord, and a pleasant wedding night.”

  She floated away in a swish of coloured shawls.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Is there a situation in your current work in progress where one character probes and the other evades? If not, could you insert one? Write (or rewrite) it, using one or several of the suggested techniques.

  Read it aloud. Can you feel the simmering tension? Then you've nailed it.

  3 GIVE EACH CHARACTER AN AGENDA TO MAKE THE DIALOGUE VIBRANT

  Your dialogue scene becomes vibrant if every character has an agenda. Yes, every character—even the walk-on parts.

  In real life, people talk a lot without purpose, just out of boredom or to meet social obligations. Fiction dialogue is different.

  Some characters are open about their agenda, stating outright what
they want. Others are subtle, manipulative or shy.

  Let's say six people are having dinner at Poshaughty Manor: Lady Mary, Lord John, their adult son Henry and twelve-year-old daughter Henriette, as well Henriette's governess and Henry's new girlfriend Suzie. A footman serves.

  Here are some ideas for hidden agendas, never openly admitted:

  * Lady Mary wants to expose and draw attention to Suzie's ignorance and clumsiness, so Henry won't think of marrying her.

  * Suzie wants to make her potential future mother-in-law, Lady Mary like her.

  * Sir John wants this dinner to be over with, so he can return to the peace and quiet of his study.

  * Henry wants to keep the conversation away from cards, casinos and the unfortunate matter of his gambling debts of which Suzie must never learn.

  * Henriette, lonely and bored at Poshaughty Manor, wants her brother Henry to spend more time with her.

  * The footman wants to impress with his skill, to get the butler position which will soon fall vacant.

  * The governess wants to find out which nights Lady Mary and Sir John will be absent from Poshaughty Manor, she can inform her accomplice, the jewel thief.